Memoires of Guru Puja [按此看中文版]
In July 2003, I went to my first ever international puja - Guru Puja in Cabella. I felt like I had been waiting all my life (or perhaps for many lifetimes) to see Shri Mataji. After immense anticipation, I finally saw Her walking onto the stage on puja day. And from that moment on, I knew my life would never be the same again!
Mother has blessed me with the opportunity to participate in the Guru Puja in Cabella and the Youth Camp in Daglio this year. The experience was so wonderful that I feel obliged to share it with my brothers and sisters in Hong Kong, if only words could express the joy in my heart. As Henry -- the Taiwan Leader, who I heard attends almost every single Puja of the year -- said to us in Cabella, we are here because we need to be "renovated". I cannot agree more with his statement, except that there were a lot more that Mother has given me than renovations.
Renovations by Shri Maha Ganesha
We arrived in Cabella on Wednesday (4 days before Puja day), in order to get a good camping spot as advised by Chris. Being a first-timer for international pujas, I felt a bit lost in the first couple of days as I did not know what to expect (though later I found that one simply should not have any expectations). There was no timetable, no itinerary, and no instructions; we were absolutely free! However, I was not quite used to this freedom, and often found myself wondering what I was to do with the plentiful spare time. I realized how strangely difficult it was for a person from Hong Kong to just simply slow down and relax, instead of rushing everything for no particular reasons at all. I remember one incidence when we were walking from Centrassi back to the Hangar after dinner, and we came across a family. Even though it was completely dark out there without any streetlights, they immediately guessed that we were from Hong Kong, judging by the speed at which we were pacing down the hill.
As time past (slowly), I started to feel more comfortable with the idea of being spontaneous and not having to know the time. I figured that I had no place else to go anyway (at least for the next few days), so why not follow the heart and enjoy the moment?! In fact, the rooster in the barn inspired me quite a bit with the idea of "beyond time" by cocking at anytime of the day, just whenever it felt the urge.
I had never camped in a tent before this trip, and this first camping experience was really "interesting" and effective in clearing out some of my conditionings from city life. Let me
first tell you a little bit about our camp life. In the daytime, our tent was like a natural sauna room, where we could enjoy our dry heat bath before we headed for the cold shower or for a swim in the chilly river. At night, a snoring symphony with surround sounds put us to sleep, as the campsite was so fully packed that one had to be careful to not step into his neighbor's tent while getting out of his own. And better yet, we never felt lonely on those cold starry nights, as there were various kinds of bugs that kept us company in our tent – either resting beside us, above us, or on us. Anyway, the point is that this camping experience, which I previously would have considered as unbearable, not only did not upset me, but also has helped me conquer some of my biggest fears. First and foremost, I have overcome my obsession with cleanliness. After the first few days in Cabella, I no longer worried about getting mud on my feet, wearing the same clothes for more than one days, or not being "absolutely clean" when I went to bed. And the Indian-style toilet does not haunt me anymore (although I still do not prefer it). I also started to really appreciate nature, admiring the great mountain views, enjoying the beautiful trees and flowers, as well as the various species of insects that shared our tent and food. Now I no longer become hysterical when a bug approaches me. There were actually a lot more to it, but the main thing I learnt is that when I keep my attention on the Sahasrara and stay in the center, nothing could possibly get to me because I stop seeing things from the external point of view, but instead experience them thoughtlessly and appreciatively.
Shri Mahamaya - So Far, Yet So Close
Before this Puja, even though I never had the chance to meet Shri Mataji in person, I often felt very close to her at heart that I did not need to be in Her presence to feel Her presence. However, during the first few days in Cabella when I actually got physically closer to Shri Mataji, meeting Her in person suddenly became a big deal to me, and the little physical distance felt like a huge gap between us. One time when I walked to Cabella town and saw Her 
castle, I suddenly felt so small, so trivial, so insignificant. Maybe it was the effect of coming from a tent to a castle, but that physical distance between Shri Mataji and I had created a feeling of emptiness, or should I say a void in me. (It could've been the clearing of the void too.) She was so close, yet so far, almost unreachable as if She was millions of light-years away.
As Friday night approached, my desire to see Shri Mataji grew stronger. But since She was there to watch the play, I was barely able to see the top of the back of Her Divine head from the very far back of the Hangar. And therefore, we decided to be there earlier the next night to get some good seats, where we could see a bit more of Shri Mataji. And on Saturday night, we were at the Hangar hours before the play started, and went through a lot of trouble (including being harassed by other yogis who tried to squeezed into our spots) to get the front-row seats, just to find that Mother was not coming. I was so disappointed that I was spiritless even the next day. I felt quite drained and decided to take a nap at the riverbanks after lunch. I don’t know how long I slept, but when I opened my eyes, I could only see the beautiful blue sky and mountains surrounding me, like I was being embraced by the Mother Earth. My hands reached out for the rocks beside me, and suddenly I realized that Mother has always been with me, and within me. I felt a warm stream flowing through my heart, opening up my heart, and there was only peace in me. I then realized how silly I was to be so obsessed with the idea of seeing Shri Mataji in her “Maya” form, while She had been with me all this time. And as we all know how things work out in their mysterious ways in Sahaja Yoga, we ended up getting the front-row seats that night at the Puja, where we saw Shri Mataji coming through the entrance and on stage at a very close distance. Of course we did put in some efforts to make this happen, but without attachment. Perhaps sometimes we have to let go of something before we finally get it. It is quite ironic how this detachment thing works, but Mother has taught me that She is always with us, and that we will always find Her from within.
Sahaj as a way of life
Our brief stay at the Daglio Camp was simply fascinating! Everyday I learnt something new from the yogis by sharing our experiences in Sahaja Yoga (which is really limited in my case), exchanging ideas about our spiritual ascent, learning each other's ethnic backgrounds and languages, and caring for each other; it was just like one big happy family. Moreover, Quinnie and I were fortunate enough to learn a little bit of Indian music from Anand, an Austrian yogi, and we enjoyed singing "AUM" a lot during our daily practice. Being with the lovely children totally opened up our hearts, and I particularly enjoyed the morning meditation with them. When they sang "Kundalini", it was like listening to a choir of angels; so beautiful that it moved us to tears. Putting the little ones to bed, tugging them in and giving them goodnight kisses and hugs was also one of the daily chores that I loved very much. The little girls were just so sweet, and so pure that my heart opened up when I was with them. We also did a special Havan with the children, while instead of throwing all the negativities to the fire, the girls had to say something positive, something about Shri Mataji, and it was absolutely touching to listen to all the beautiful things they said about Mother.
Staying in Daglio was like being in Heaven – the utopia that one could ever dream of! I felt like I was home while I was with the yogis. With their tremendous love, I felt that they were my real brothers and sisters. They have also shown me that Sahaja Yoga is not just something we practice everyday, but in fact, a way of life. I am so grateful that I could be at the camp with so many wonderful yogis where I learnt so much. The vibrations there were so good that I finally had a taste of what it is like to be in a constant state of thoughtless awareness (even though I was too thoughtless to be aware of that at the time). I have only been in Sahaja Yoga for half a year, and practically speaking, I am just an infant in Sahaja Yoga. There is still so much more I need to learn and to grow, but I feel very fortunate to have so many wonderful brothers and sisters in the Hong Kong collective to ascend with me spiritually.
Jai Shri Mataji
Eugena
August 2003
Click here for more photos of this event.
導師崇拜回憶錄 [Click here to read English version]
二 ○ ○ 三年的七月份我參加了我第一次的國際性普祭 ── 在卡貝拉舉辦的導師崇拜。我感覺自己好像等待了一輩子（甚至很多輩子 ）才等到這次機會見 Shri Mataji。經過一輪熱熾的期待，在普祭當晚，我終於能親眼目睹Shri Mataji緩緩走到台上。從那一刻開始，我知道我的人生從此變得不一樣！
多得母親的眷顧，我有幸能參加今年七月份舉行的導師崇拜（ Guru Puja ）及在 Daglio 舉辦的青年營，讓我得到一次珍貴的人生經歷。我在這次遠行當中有許多得著，很希望能一一記下來與各位兄弟姊妹們分享，只是有些感受並非筆墨所能形容。記得在 卡貝拉時，台灣霎哈嘉的領袖 Henry 跟我們說： 「我們之所以在這裡（普祭）是因為我們內裡都需要大裝修。」 聽聞他本人數年來幾乎每個國際聚會都有出席， 他謙虛地說他自己有很多很多問題，所以每次普祭都感到母親召喚他來大裝修一番。我很同意他的講法，不過這次母親除了修正了我一些內在的問題以外，還給了我很多，很多。
摩訶格涅沙﹙ Maha Ganesha ﹚的大清掃
聽取了 Chris 的忠告， Rainbow ， Quinnie 和我一行三人在普祭舉行前四天（星期三）便抵達了 卡貝拉，希望能找個紮營的好位置。由於這是我首次參加這種大型的霎哈嘉國際聚會，起初時實在有點迷茫，不知道應該有甚麼預期（然而我後來才了解到原來我們根本不需要有任何期盼）。那兒沒有時間表、行程計劃、或任何指示，我們可以說是絕對的自由。然而，我對於這種自由卻不怎麼適應，並時常自忖如何打發那過多的空閒時間。香港人時常抱怨工作怎樣忙碌，生活如何繁瑣；然而一旦反過來要我們放慢急速的節奏、鬆弛下來，竟然又變得這麼不知所措。記得有一次我們幾個在 Centrassi 吃過晚飯，步行回營地途中，遇上了一家人。當時天色已很昏暗，路上也沒有街燈，但他們一猜便猜中我們是從香港來的，皆因我們都健步如飛。
時間很慢很慢的過去，我也漸漸適應了這種毫無束縛、隨心所欲的生活方式。我想：「況且這數天也別無他處可去，何不好好享受當下此刻？ ! 」其實我這想法，或多或少也是受了那兒飼養的公雞所啟發，牠們不理時候，只要興致一到便啼數聲，簡直完全超脫了時間的限制。
在這之前我從未試過露營，這次的經歷除了讓我體會到〝有趣〞的露營生活之外，還打破了我多年來身為都市人的許多思想制約。先讓我簡單地描述一下我們多天來的露營生活吧。其實每天都是差不多。由於當地沒有暖水供應，怕冷的話可先待在營帳內五分鐘，擔保汗流浹背﹙因為日間的太陽很猛烈，營帳內熱得像天然桑拿房一樣﹚，之後可自行選擇去沖個凍水浴，或者跳進冰冷的河水中泡泡亦可。不過，很多人都以泡河水來代替洗澡，因為不用排隊嘛。晚上繁星閃閃，我們從不曾覺得孤單，因為營內總是那麼熱鬧，大大小小的昆蟲會在我們身邊﹙或身上﹚擾擾攘攘，而且還有〝鼻鼾大合奏〞帶我們進入夢鄉，因為營地實在擠得連鄰居們的呼吸聲我們也能清楚聽見。誇張點說，每當我們踏出自己的營帳，一不小心，真的隨時會走進了別人的營帳，營地就是擠得那樣水洩不通。我希望帶出的是，這些我以前會以為不能忍受的事情，不單沒有令我感到沮喪，還使我克服了一些我一直以來最大的恐懼，例如：我的潔癖。在 卡貝拉住了數天後，我不再擔心雙腳沾滿泥濘、同一套衣服要穿多過一天、或執著每晚當我鑽進被窩時是否〝絕對的乾淨〞。﹙ Edwin 請放心，你借我的睡袋及床舖都已清洗過了才還給你的。﹚至於那傳說中可怕的印度式廁所再也難不倒我了﹙雖然在可選擇的情況下我還是會選擇不去﹚。此外，我亦開始懂得去欣賞美麗的大自然：那座像 Ganesha 的大石山、晴空中不時化身成不同神祇的白雲、由營地步行至 卡貝拉鎮沿途的風光、還有那種種和我們分享營帳和食物的小昆蟲…以前的我是很害怕昆蟲的，每當有昆蟲在我面前出現便把我嚇得魂不附體，現在習慣了便漸漸不當是一回事。事實上還發生了很多很多事，但在這許多事情當中我所領悟到的是：「只要我們把注意力放在頂輪，並保持自己在中脈，便沒有甚麼可以影響到我們的了，因為我們不再在乎外在的形相；相反地，我們懂得在無思慮的狀態下欣賞、享受沿途的景色。」
摩耶幻相 ﹙ Mahamaya ﹚— 這麼遠，那麼近
在參加這個普祭之前我從未有機會親身與母親會面，但心裡卻一直感到和祂很親近，即使沒有祂在場的地方也很能感覺到祂的真實和存在。豈料當我一步一步接近 卡貝拉，心裡便越想要親眼目睹母親，而這肉體層面上的距離，好像把我和母親分隔得好遠好遠。第一次我步行到 卡貝拉鎮看到母親住的城堡時，心裡突然好像被掏空了一樣，有種莫名的虛空感覺，可能是因為剛剛從自己小小的營帳走到一個城堡的對比太大了罷，當時我真的覺得自己好渺小、微不足道，就如宇宙間的一夥微塵。看著這座住著母親的城堡，我和母親的距離是這麼近；但母親對我來說，卻又那麼遙不可及，好像祂和我之間存在著百萬光年。
到了星期五晚，我希望見母親的慾望變得更強。可是由於當晚祂是來看話劇的，坐在後排的我只能遠遠地看著祂那神聖的頭殼頂。於是我們幾個便計劃好翌日一定要早點來給自己預留個好位置。星期六下午天還未黑，我們便匆匆走進會場，果然給我們找到了最前排的位置—是一伸手便能觸摸到母親的那種前排位置。當然，我們還歷盡了千辛萬苦（包括被強行擠進來的練習者不斷的壓迫和踐踏）才能在那等候的幾個小時內保著那個前排位置。結果簡直出人意表，我們經歷了重重障礙，最後母親竟然缺席！大家大概也能想像到那對我的衝擊有多大，直到第二日，我還是有點沒精打采。午餐後，我獨自一人垂頭喪氣的走到河邊去小睡片刻。也不知睡了多久，當我張開雙眼時，只見一片藍天白雲，連綿的山巒環抱著我，感覺就好像躺臥於母親的懷抱當中，我不其然伸手摸摸身邊的小石塊，突然明白到原來母親一直都在我身邊，就在我心坎之中。我頓時感到有一股暖流流經我的心窩，把我的心扉打開了，而我整個人都充滿著平安和喜悅。那時我才發覺自己之前這麼執意要見母親的「幻相」是多麼愚昧，因為原來母親一直都與我同在，從來沒有離開過。相信大家都知道在霎哈嘉瑜伽裡，許多事情都是自然而然地，卻又令人意料不到地展現出來。終於，我們在導師普祭當晚，找到了很前排的位置，能夠近距離地親眼目睹母親進場及在台上講話，實在非常感動。當然，我們也有努力去成就這件事，但過程中少了一份執著；或者有些事情我們必須要先放下，之後才能得到，聽起來雖然有點諷刺，但我們必須學會抽離，用我們純粹的願望力量把事情成就。母親讓我上了人生重要的一課，祂讓我明白到祂一直都與我們同在，我們無需踏破鐵鞋，因為祂就在我們當中。
「霎哈嘉式」的生活
我們在 Daglio 逗留的寥寥數天實在妙不可言！每天透過與世界各地的瑜伽士接觸，令我獲益良多。我們互相分享在霎哈嘉瑜伽的經驗、交流有助於靈性昇進方面的心得﹙當然，本人資歷尚淺，根本沒有甚麼經驗、心得可言﹚、了解並學習彼此的背景和語言、大家互相關懷，好比一個快樂的大家庭。此外， Quinnie 和我更有機會向 Anand— 一位來自奧地利的練習者—學習一點點印度音樂。每天上課前，我們坐在山邊面對著美麗的景緻，不斷重複唱著「 AUM 」這個單音，已陶醉得如登極樂。與那些充滿童真的可愛小女孩相處更是令人心花怒放。我特別享受每天的早晨靜坐，記得第一次聽到她們唱「 Kundalini 」，那猶如天使般的歌聲，觸動了我們每個人的心靈。晚上我們這些 aunties 會幫忙安頓那些較年幼的小孩子上床睡覺，我們逐一走到她們的床邊道晚安，她們都會還以一個親切的吻和擁抱，那感覺真的很甜蜜。這些霎哈嘉瑜伽裡的小孩子的那份純真，把我們的心扉都打開了。記得其中一晚我們舉行了一次特別的火祭，這個火祭的特別之處，就是我們不提及任何負面的東西，取而代之的是一些正面和有關母親的個人感受。聽著孩子們逐一說出她們心目中的母親，並將那份愛獻給火神﹙ Shri Agni Devita ﹚，心裡真的感動得很。
身處 Daglio 有時真的會讓人有置身仙景的感覺，那兒正是人們夢寐以求的烏托邦！跟世界各地的霎哈嘉瑜伽練習者生活，令我覺得自己好像回到家一樣；他們就如我的親兄弟姊妹般，讓我體會到彼此間無私的愛和包容。他們更讓我領悟到霎哈嘉瑜伽不單是我們每天練習的一套功法，而是一種生活方式。我很感激母親讓我能夠來到 Daglio 認識了這麼多練習者，並從他們身上獲得許多得著。那兒的能量實在太好，使我終於體會到長時間保持著〝無思慮覺醒狀態〞是怎麼一回事﹙雖然當其時我已無思慮得根本不為意自己原來已進入了那種狀態﹚。我來到霎哈嘉瑜伽只不過短短半年光景，所以基本上我還是處於嬰孩的階段，這裡還有很多東西等著我去學習和體驗。我很慶幸在香港的集體裡有一班這麼優秀的練習者和我一同成長、昇進。
Jai Shri Mataji
Eugena Li
2003年8月