三年
一直以來，我對於靈性方面的知識都很感興趣，除了經常購買有關書籍來看以外，也曾接觸過不同派別的靜坐法、水晶療法、氣功 …… 等等，但卻始終無法得到心靈上的平安 。
四年前我發覺自己站在人生的交叉點上，對前境感到很迷茫，不曉得何去何從。不論是感情上、事業上、或生活上都充滿憂慮和疑惑，心裡有種空洞洞的感覺，內心一片虛無。我不斷努力地尋找治療心靈的方法，曾經嘗試過自己在家中靜坐，感覺到霎時間的平靜，但由於聽朋友說有過出偏的經歷，所以不敢妄自嘗試，心裡卻很渴望能找到 「 正宗的 」 師傅學習打坐。有一次當我在網上搜尋 “meditation class” 的時候，看到了「 霎哈嘉瑜伽長期免費靜坐班 」十二個大字，而其中「免費」二字最為吸引，因為市面上那些所謂 new age 的瑜伽靜坐班一般收費都頗為昂貴。於是我進入了霎哈嘉瑜伽的網站詳細地了解有關課程，頓時很感興趣，便按照網頁上的聯絡資料，寫了一封電郵去查詢靜坐班的詳情，得到的回覆是：「費用全免、無需訂座、也無需穿著特別的衣裝，只要準時出席便可。」當時正值農曆新年，沒有開班，而且我亦趁假期參加了韓國滑雪團，因此等到旅行回來後的第一個星期一，下班後我便跑到中環大會堂去上初班，但到達時已遲了15分鐘。當我乘電梯到 7 樓時也分不清東南西北，便隨即走向左邊那個會議室去。一推開門看到一位男士正站在那兒講課，心中有點遲疑，因為他看起來比較起我心目中的瑜伽導師有點出入。再看看他身後的精微能量系統圖表，便知道找對了地方，於是隨即找個位置坐下來，並向那位導師 (即Edwin) 說：「不好意思，以為找錯了地方。」他微笑答道：「 沒關係，有緣的話自會找到。」
當晚他講解了很多有關輪穴的知識及其與別的宗教的關聯。當他談及左喉輪的阻塞時，說到我們無須再為過去的事而感到內疚，因為上天已寬恕了我們所作的一切。那一刻我突然如釋重負，整個人都輕鬆了許多，那翻說話就好像是母親特意要說給我聽的一樣。那一晚我得到了我的自覺，Edwin 叫我們嘗試感應一下自己頭頂上是否有涼風。當時恰巧Melissa正坐在我前面，她把手放在我頭頂對上的位置並說感到很涼。但坦白說我的感應不大（應該是由於喉輪的阻塞），只是手掌有輕微發麻的感覺，然而心裡還是莫名其妙地興奮起來，因為在班上集體靜坐時，我終於感覺到內在的平安和喜悅，我知道自己真的找到了！那天是２００３年２月１７日。
之後，我堅持每個星期一都到大會堂上初班。那時的我滿腦子都是問題，經常於班後纏著 Edwin 不放，問這問那的，他笑說我是個「問題少女」，不久後他便邀請我到霎哈嘉瑜伽中心上中班。還記得第一次上中心時， Gladys 很友善地走過來幫我做蠟燭療法，然後在一些較資深練習者的循循善誘下，我逐漸學習到許多霎哈嘉的知識和潔淨的方法。直至某個晚上，我第一次夢見 Shri Mataji 。在夢中我看到自己和很多人坐在一個大禮堂的觀眾席上好像在等待著甚麼，然後有人在台上宣佈：「現在有請我們真正的世界領袖。」在一陣掌聲之中， Shri Mataji 除除步進禮堂，她沒有上台，卻走到我們觀眾席當中坐了下來，那一刻我的心中突然感到一陣強烈的震撼，好像有無限的愛從四面八方湧進來，我從未感受過這麼澎湃的愛，並禁不住哭了起來，就這樣子哭醒了。我把這個夢告訴了 Alex ──我們香港集體的領袖，他笑說我是時候去 puja 了，也沒有認真想過他說的是真是假，我便去了意大利參加我一生人第一次的國際 puja( 導師崇拜) ，那次的經歷可以說是我靈性上的首次大躍進。
三年了！在這段日子當中，我很幸運地還久不久有機會參加國際 puja 及 seminar ，從其他國家的練習者身上學習到很多，也深深地體會到霎哈嘉這個國際大家庭內兄弟姊妹彼此間無私的愛。而更難得的是我媽媽也有緣成為霎哈嘉的一份子。能夠和家人一起修行，互相鼓勵和扶持，對於靈性昇進實在有很大的幫助。當然靈性修行的道路並非一直都平平坦坦的，然而每一次跌倒，都讓我更深切地感受到自己正在母親的眷顧當中。在許多的挫折之中，我們才能真真正正的成長和撮壯起來。
我在2004年的6月赴澳升學，在這邊體會到很不一樣的集體，感應到很不一樣的能量。原來每個集體都擁有其獨有的特質，有很多值得我們學習的地方。我感覺到自己正在跟整個集體不斷的在蛻變。看到媽媽去年在 Vashi 逗留一個月後的明顯改善，我也急不及待於去年12月到了Vashi一趟，希望藉此潔淨自己的身、心、靈。我想我在那裡最大的得著是體會到「愛」和「信念」，這兩個質素都是我以前所欠缺的。在Vashi的17天裡，我從治療當中感受到母親的愛，還有醫生們和練習者之間純真的愛，讓我終於領悟到世上最有效的藥物其實就是愛！當我親身體會到這些療程在我身上漸漸產生效果的時候，我才真真正正地相信母親的愛的威力，對於母親的大能和自己身為霎哈嘉瑜伽士的信念也因此而鞏固起來。原來所謂信念，就是要無思慮、要虔誠、要交託。這一點，我在霎哈嘉的婚姻當中體會最深。原來我們只要交託，母親一切自有安排，所有事情總會在適當的時候進行，我們需要的只是純粹的願望。有些事情看似是壞事，到頭來卻原來是對我們有益處。每件事情的發生都有其奧妙原因，我們置身當中未必能看得通透，但只要抱持著旁觀見證的態度，真相自會在適當的時候顯現出來。
還記得有一次，我和Edwin在交談之中，提到我就是當日寫電郵向他查詢初班詳情的那個人，他問為什麼我這麼遲才來，我在心裡想：一個迷途的孩子，如果終於能找回歸家的路，回到母親的身邊，對於母親而言是不會太遲的，永遠都不會太遲！
2006 年 3 月 7 日
>> 回到霎哈嘉
3 Years
Ever since I was a teenager, I have been fascinated with spiritual knowledge and I used to read a lot of books on religions and spirituality. I have also experimented with various types of meditation, yoga, crystal healing, and chi gong, etc., but none of these brought peace in my heart.
Four years ago I found myself at the crossroads of life. I was confused and dissatisfied with many aspects of my life, and my future was filled with uncertainties. There was an unsettling feeling of emptiness in my heart as if there was a huge void in it. I searched desperately for ways to heal my heart and soul, and managed to achieve a flash of inner peace as I attempted to meditate on my own at home. However, I was reluctant to continue such practice because a friend once told me that she accidentally went into a trance and saw weird spirits during her meditation. But deep down in my heart, I continue to have this strong desire of finding a real guru from whom I could learn to meditate properly. One time when I was doing a search for “meditation class” on the internet, the words “Sahaja Yoga Free Meditation Class” caught my eye, and I have to admit that it was mostly because of the word “free”. As most of the so-called “new age" meditation classes are overpriced, this Sahaja Yoga meditation seemed really appealing to me. So I entered the Hong Kong Sahaja Yoga website to explore a bit more, and was instantly impressed with their teachings. I wrote them an email to inquire about the program details according to the contact information displayed on the website and received a prompt reply saying that no fee, booking, or any special outfits were required. All I needed to do was to simply turn up at the time of the program. I remember the class was suspended at that time due to Chinese New Year holidays. Therefore, on the first Monday after my Korea ski trip, I went to the City Hall directly after work, but was already 15 minutes late upon arrival. Without really knowing my directions, I just headed straight towards the room on the left as soon as I got out of the elevator. I opened the door to see a gentleman addressing the class, and I was slightly taken aback because he looked nothing like the kind of yoga instructor I had in mind (due to my conditionings). Then I saw the chart of the human subtle system behind him and I knew I was at the right place. So I said to the instructor (whom I later found out to be Edwin), “Sorry, I thought I was at the wrong place,” and quickly found a spot to sit down. He beamed and replied, “It’s OK. It’s your fate that brought you here.”
During the program, Edwin gave very thorough explanations about the charkas and how their qualities corresponded to various religions. As he spoke about the qualities of the left vishuddhi, he explained that there was no need for us to feel guilty about our past because we were all pure spirits and that the Divine had already forgiven us for everything. At that moment, I suddenly felt like a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders, and I felt so relieved, as if those words were specifically spoken to me. That night I got my self-realization. Edwin asked us to check if there was any cool breeze coming from the top of our head. Honestly, I could not really feel much (probably because of the vishuddhi problem) and perhaps looked a little puzzled. Melissa, who happened to be sitting in front of me at the time turned around and put her hand over my head. She said she could feel cool vibrations penetrating my sahasrara, even though I only had some subtle tingling sensations on my palms. Nevertheless, my heart was filled with this unspeakable excitement, because I finally experienced the inner peace and joy through Sahaja Yoga meditation. I knew then that I had finally found it! It was on the day of 17 February 2003.
Afterwards, I continued to attend the Monday night program persistently. At that time, I was full of questions and would hijack Edwin after each class to ask whatever came into my mind. He used to joke about me being a “problem child”. Soon after, he invited me to join the intermediate meditation class. I can still distinctly remember how friendly and kind Gladys was when she approached me to give me a candle treatment the very first time I set foot in the ashram in Causeway Bay. And under the warm guidance of the Sahaja Yogis, I gradually learnt more about the knowledge of Sahaja Yoga and the numerous cleansing methods. Until one night, I had my first dream of Shri Mataji. In the dream, I remember sitting in a huge assembly hall waiting for something or someone. And after a while, the MC announced, “Now let’s welcome our real world leader.” And in the storm of applause, Shri Mataji slowly entered the hall. But instead of walking up onto the stage, She came to sit among us in the audience. And at that very moment, my heart started to quiver, as if there was infinite love flowing from all directions into it. I had never felt such tremendous love in my life before and I was overwhelmed with tears uncontrollably rolling down my face. I cried like I had never cried before and later on woke up in tears. I told Alex (our Hong Kong leader) about this dream and he jokingly said that it was time for me to go to a puja. And without any second thoughts (that he might have just been kidding as he always does), I booked my plane ticket and went to my first ever international puja – Guru Puja in Cabella, which turned out to be a big stepping stone for my spiritual ascent.
It has been 3 years since I came into Sahaj! Within this time, I was very fortunate to have the opportunities to participate in international pujas and seminars every once in a while, in which I learnt a lot from yogis from different origins and deeply experienced the unconditional love among the brothers and sisters within this big international Sahaj family. And most of all, I am very glad that my mom has also become a part of this wonderful family. It has been a great privilege for me to have a family member takes this spiritual journey with me, in which we could encourage and support each other along the way. Then of course, the path of spiritual ascent is not always nice and smooth. Nevertheless, every time I tumble and fall, I feel even more deeply that Mother is all the time looking after me and guiding me. It is in the many mistakes or stumbles we make along the way that help us truly blossom and grow.
In July 2004, I moved to Australia to further my study, where I experienced a very different collective and very different vibrations. In fact, each collective has its special qualities and forte, which are all very worthwhile for us to learn. I feel myself constantly evolving with the collective, of which I am part and parcel. And after witnessing the amazing transformation my mom has undergone after her one-month stay in the Belapur Sahaj health center (Vashi), I also made a trip there last December in the hope of cleansing myself physically, emotionally and spiritually. My biggest gain of all from Vashi was to be able to experience the qualities of “love” and “faith”, both of which I lacked. I felt Mother’s love, as well as the pure love between the doctors and the “patients” through the 17 days of Vashi treatment. And I finally realized that the most effective “medicine” on earth was in fact LOVE. It was not until I saw those treatments gradually taking effect that I truly believed in the power of Mother’s love, and my faith in Shri Mataji’s all pervading power and in myself as a Sahaj Yogi became prominent. Faith, indeed, is just being thoughtless, is bhakti, is surrender. This is something I felt most deeply from my Sahaj marriage experience. I found that if only we could surrender, Mother would take care of everything, and all matters would take place at the right timing, whereas all we need is simply the pure desire. Sometimes, a certain bad situation may turn out to be quite the opposite in the end. Every incidence happens for a reason so subtle that we might not be able to comprehend at the time. But if we could just watch everything as a detached witness, in time, the truth will reveal itself.
I still recall a conversation I once had with Edwin, in which I mentioned that I was actually the person who emailed him about the beginners’ program details some time ago. He asked why it took me so long to come to Sahaj. And I silently thought to myself – that it is never too late for a lost child to find his way home to mother. Never too late!
30 March 2006